New LOW!!!
So morning sickness is kinda truckin’ along. Every morning I wake up, feel fine, proceed to go down to breakfast with the family and try to eat so that I won’t barf. The other day I ate a macaroon. Not a good choice, threw it up immediately. Yuck. Next day ate a banana. Threw it up immediately. Not that bad. Banana is not so bad to throw up. Next day matzah. No throw up. But dry matzah sucks.
So yesterday I thought, I’ll spare myself the science experiment and just not eat. Throw up air. See how that goes. That goes well. Throwing up nothing, amazingly still makes me feel better, even though nothing comes out. It’s so bizarre. Just the motions and the absolutely cartoonish noises.
So this morning I ate like 4 spoonfuls of my 4 year old niece’s oatmeal. The minute they all left to go to school, I calmly made my way to a toilet because it was puking time. I accept that puking is now a daily ritual. Big deal. I decide on the bent over the toilet pose instead of the also popular lean over the sink. What’s the diff, nothing really comes out?
On this particular occasion something comes out. Not from my stomach! I wretch my brains out sounding mostly like a bad actor pretending to vomit and, Good People I gotta tell ya, I peed myself. Not once. But on every stupid-cartoon-overacted heave!
I jumped up ONTO the toilet and no pee, but I know I still have to barf more so I jump back down and lo and behold I CAN NOT hold it in while I’m vomiting.
I want to cry out, “Will the indignities never cease?!”
But I already have enough friends with babies that I know this is only the beginning...
