Nothin but a heartburn thang, yo.

Hiya folks! I took this picture (with a little help) at about 3 o'clock in the morning. And I am posting on the INTERNET at  2:02 am.

why all the late night prenatal erotic photo jouralistic activity? I gots HEARTBURN!  Can't go to sleep. Because i can't lay down. Can't do anything actually erotic, because i can't lay down! Can't read a book, etc etc etc.

Oh. and i'm unemployed.  So staying up later and later has become the norm. We went to bed last night at 3:45. Ridiculous.

I know, i know what you're going to say: Just you wait little Ms. "3 am" until you have to wake up at 5 am to feed that baby.  why do people love to taunt you with this when you are pregnant?  Is it the only way that sleep deprived parents of actual birthed children can react to their deep personal envy  and disgust when they hear that i woke up today at 11:45?  That's right bitches! 11:45 AM.  That's almost PM!!!!

But don't hate me because i'm beautiful ( and sleep late and have no job) Hate me because as soon as i have children that wake me up all night, i am going to do the same thing to your lazy ass when i hear about how you slept past 9.

If this post is about nothing, it's mostly because i don't have a lot of material to work with right now. Sure i dislike heartburn but i love Rolaids (especially the mint ones) and i do feel tired lately, but eh, who cares.

In actuality i have nothing to whine, kvetch, or bitch about these days. I feel great. and everybody is sooooooo nice to you when you are pregnant. And nicest of all i felt something yesterday that i believe was tiny fingers rapping against the insides of me almost like a secret knock.

And i am tempted to say things like, "how cute is that kid? She taps on my insides!" Wow. Could this be mommyhood beginning?

Long time no see!

I've been remiss in logging my blog! But my excuse is a doosey.  I was getting married!  Which could really spawn a blog of it's own, if a person possibly had time to blog while planning a wedding.  But, it is unseemly to whine, kvetch or bitch about planning a wedding.  So i will not. (specially since it came of really swell!) See the picture!

So back to the subject at hand! (Which, incidentally, lends itself beautifully to bitching)

Tomorrow i will be officially SIX months pregnant!   I spent the bulk of weeks 14-22 planning said wedding....

Gah! now i am SIX AND A HALF months pregnant. man it is really hard to finish one of these posts in a logical way.  And here is why folks.  things like this happen every damn day in month SIX:

I realize, oh! i need butter. I leave my cart in the broccoli isle and quickly trot over to the butter. I merely slow down a bit at the salami and cheese and think, hmmmn salami, when i suddenly i have no idea what i am going to get.  Have to go back to the cart stare at it for a while then remember BUTTER! this time i walk to butter aisle and repeat ALOUD several times butter, butter, butter.

Other things that happen
Can't do math anymore. then suddenly can again. it's like temporary brain damage. For a related example see the above where i spelled aisle like a small island.  Yes an entire isle of broccoli!  It's like the blue lagoon!

Also can't bend down anymore.  I mean I can, but it is oh so unpleasant. It squeezes my stomach between my uterus and my lungs (presumably- i don't fucking know it just squeezes something)  And this causes an increase in the already rapid and alarming rate at which ACID leaks out of my stomach into my esophagus. Can you believe i can spell esophagus but not aisle?

This wouldn't be such a big problem except that, like all pregnancy symptoms, one is meant to exacerbate the other.  I drop every-fucking-thing i pick up! sometimes twice.  Yesterday i dropped a nearly full liter bottle of water while i was just standing in the AISLE at Ikea.  it was completely out of the blue, i fumbled it and then almost caught it and then dropped it in a spectacular display of slapstick right in front of two ikea salespeople and then felt compulsed to explain that i am pregnant and i can't hold on to anything.  Thank god phinny arrived and steered me away while i babbled because i was just about to start explaining how the relaxin that allows your uterus to expand also has an effect on the joints in your fingers.

So it goes like this drop keys, bend to pick up keys, get bad heartburn, complain, drop fork, continue cycle.

Anyway, so this is my most scattered post to date but i am going to post it, anyway, because i don't want to metaphorically drop anymore stuff today.